When going to a bar there comes that moment when you run into a bouncer.

Whether it’s standing in line waiting to get into the bar for some fun and games, or whether you’ve had a few drinks and have drawn some unwanted attention to yourself (never your fault, of course!) there will come a time when you have to converse with a bouncer.

What to say? How to act?

You can check out a couple of options here:

OK, so we aren’t going to tell you what to say, but we can offer suggestions on things that you probably don’t want to let escape your lips!

1. “You don’t look so tough”. While this may be true, it is sure to draw the bouncer’s ire. Also, keep in mind that you should never judge a book by its cover!

2. “Back off, I know martial arts”. I would stay away from making this statement. Most people that claim to know some form of martial arts actually don’t. In addition, there is a reason that the person in front of you is a bouncer. Besides being overly large he might actually know martial arts himself.

3. “Don’t you know who I am?” Unless you’re a rock star or movie star there is a really good chance that the bouncer doesn’t know who you are. Even if you are some sort of celebrity, if the bouncer hasn’t recognized you by this point then prompting him to do so probably won’t help.

4. “I’sh not drunk t’all, can walk any line. Lemme prove it to youshelf”. If your social imbibing is resulting in slurring of speech, I would suggest saying as little as possible. And remember, enunciation is your friend!

5. “Here’s $5, go away”. While bribing the bouncer has an outside chance of working, more than likely the amount of money you offer him isn’t worth the bouncer losing his job. It also puts him in between a rock and a hard place, where his only alternative is to throw you out of the club.

6. “$%&^%##”. Swearing at the bouncer will result in an immediate, negative experience. Up until this point the bouncer is just doing his job. After being cussed out there is a good chance the bouncer is going to take things personally, which bodes poorly for your chances of staying healthy.

7. “I have some really big friends.” While this may be true, they probably aren’t with you at the moment you utter this ominous statement. Also, there is a good chance the bouncer also has some big friends, who just might be bouncers in the same bar and within calling distance.

8. “This is the best job you can get?” Questioning the bouncer’s career choices will only result in his agitation. Besides, it could be a part time job while he is completing his master’s studies in some prestigious field.

9. “I’m going to be sick”. If you’ve had a few too many and your stomach is upset then letting the bouncer know this won’t help your situation. Besides, it is probably time to call a cab and go home anyways.

10. “I’ll be back”. If you are being shown the door than letting the bouncer know you want to return and visit their fine establishment could be construed the wrong way. Be polite, listen to the bouncer and the chances are everything will be fine if you do decide to return for another night out on the town!