Things That Drive Your Bartender Stark Raving Mad

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Angry Barmaid at Jamian's Bar, Red Bank, New Jersey

Whether you are a bashful drunk, a dopey drunk, a grumpy drunk, a happy drunk, a sleepy drunk, or even a slutty drunk, let’s face it; alcohol usually brings out the worst in people.

The tiresome heroes behind the wood who, day in and day out, happily sling our drinks have seen it all, and unknowingly many of our drunken personality traits can drive them stark raving mad. Here are just a few of them:

Lousy Tippers

Nothing infuriates your bartender more than a stingy tipper, or god forbid, someone who doesn’t tip at all. Those in the service industry rely on tips to make a decent living, that’s why they are paid well below minimum wage. If you don’t tip well don’t be surprised if the service you receive reflects your stinginess. So, what kind of tipper are you?

Attention Grabbers
how not to get a bartenders attention
The second most annoying trait that will quickly turn your bartender stark raving mad is by trying to get their attention. Waving, snapping your fingers, screaming out or even banging your glass is a surefire way to not only get on your bartender’s bad side, but will also likely get you swiftly ignored for the remainder of the night as well.

Indecisive Drinkers

Likely you’ve been in a bar before. Even more likely you’ve had a drink once or twice in your life. You know what you like, so order it already. The indecisive drinker tops one of the traits that drive bartenders bananas. As the infographic says, if you have trouble deciding what to drink, always go with beer.

Know It Alls

To reiterate: Oh, you’re a bartender too? Fascinating. Seriously, making drinks is what bartenders do for a living, so do not, and I mean never tell a bartender how to make a drink, at least that is if you don’t want to drive them stark raving mad.

Type A Personalities

It’s amazing how messy people become once someone else is serving them. Sure it’s time to relax and let someone else take care of the details, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a slob. The most annoying messy trait that bartenders have to deal with is from the Type A personalities. You know the ones; they tear up their coasters into little bits and leave them on the bar for the bartender to clean up.

Fruit-Pickers

Speaking of disgusting habits, the fruit pickers take the cake. Well in reality they steal the fruit, but you know what I mean. This drunken personality trait is one of the worst things bartenders have to deal with on a daily basis. You’ve seen these people, they ask for extra olives, cherries and even lemon slices, gulp them down like they are at an all you can eat buffet and then have the audacity to try to reach across the bar and help themselves to some more.

Bar Fighters

When you get a couple of grumpy drunks in the same room it usually ends in fisticuffs. And if you have been following the theme this far, this drives your bartender nuts. Not only does it upset the rhythm and flow of severing well-behaved patrons, but the bartender is usually the guy that has to break up the fight. If you want to get in you bartender’s good graces, be a man and step in to break up the fight yourself. Just make sure you read our guide to surviving a bar brawl first.

Spillers, Pukers and Passer-Outers

By far the worst thing a bartender has to deal with is when the seven drunks (bashful, dopey, grumpy, happy, sleepy, slutty, and uh… doc) have partied a little too hard. Whether they become spilly drinkers, pukers or passer-outers, no one wants to have to see or deal with that kind of drunk. So if you don’t want to enrage your bartender, and possibly get yourself banned for life, be a responsible drinker and know when it is time to call it quits.

Corey Rozon profile imageAbout the Author
Corey Rozon is a freelance writer from Ottawa, Canada.

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